The Coffee Frauds

I’m just going to include here – for fun – the places I thought were coffee shops or were not what I’d consider coffee shops here.

I like to document my failed endeavors too.

Anyways,

  1. The travel agency on Sw. Sebastiana btwn Swietej Gertrudy and Wojciecha Boguslawskiego.
  2. This “24 hour” joint which, when you discover is a hairdresser at 9:45PM, you question your life choices a little (l.o. Janusza Meissenera).

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3. Cafe Fińska – apparently this really cool, free cafe in Krakow.  Online I was getting mixed signals as to whether it is a living, breathing cafe.  Answer?  It’s not.  RIP

4. Sklep Spożywcy (39 Floriańska) – so, not a phony exactly.  You can still get coffee here.  It’s 2.5zł for a teeny tiny cup of some hot Brazilian joe.  Yes, it’s cheap.  But is it worth it?  Eh, I would venture no.  However, it’s good to know it’s there if desperation.

5&6. More Than a Cookie#1&#2

#1 (ul. Syrokomli 22)

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#2 (Sławkowska 18) *this number isn’t even on the right side of the street according to Google Maps…

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7. Pierre Bakery

Pierre Bakery on ul. Szewska is CLOSED.  The website is still active, but like Yelp says, the French pastry and coffee shop is no longer there.  Very close by are one amazing bakery (Cukiernia Jagiellońska) and three chain coffee shops (Starbucks, Costa Coffee, and Columbus Coffee).  There is also this pączki (Polish donuts) window called Gorące Pączki with that and waffles, coffee, and ice cream.  Additionally – for a more, lax sit-down experience – walk to the end of the street (in the opposite direction of the Main Square) and find a new and improved Krakowa u Zalipianek.

8. Lunch Bar dla CiebiePANO_20180316_163146

(3/16/2018) This cafe has been gone now – according to the woman who made my cappuccino – for about a month.  Now, it is a food and quick stop for the workers in the building.  I saw somewhere the stamp “Ciekawe Bistro,” but you won’t find a place online that can confirm that the new business has a name.

You may be asking, “if I did get a cappuccino and there was a place to sit, why is it a fraud?”

I have 2 reasons.

  1. Online, you see the Lunch Bar dla Ciebie with it’s tacky-but-existent coffee bean window decals.  Not only does it not exist anymore in operating form, but the cliche cafe decals are no more.
  2. The review for this new place would be as follows-

          No WIFI.

           Drink: 2 (Because I didn’t spit out the jacuzzi foamed cappuccino immediately.)

           Decor/Ambiance: 1 (Not only was it that there wasn’t even an attempt at decorating (sorry, I don’t consider rando photos and standard “hip” chairs a design attempt).  It felt like looking for meat and only finding cleaned, foreboding bones.  And then, the woman behind the counter screamed at me while I was taking the panorama photo.  “What are you doing?!?!”  When I responded taking a photo, she yelled some more about how she didn’t want her photo taken.  Welp, it was too late.  And, I didn’t want her in the photo anyway.  I apologized to the utterly contemptible excuse for a woman and exited.  Never – at any of the now numbering 250 photographed cafes – has someone ever gotten angry with me.  A few have waved – which always makes me laugh – and some turn their head away which as I have stated, is perfectly okay and within their right.  The other woman there was pleasant enough (the one who made my “cappuccino”), taking time to answer my question about the Lunch Bar dla Ciebie no longer existing.  I’m just sorry this bitter woman had to turn the boring, wanting space into a hostile one as well.)

            Price: 4 (Capp=7zł – normally a 5, but the quality needed to detract here.  Put another, if it was a “cappuccino” made hypothetically made with no milk, but which cost 6zł, it only makes sense that this failure has to come into play.)

            Food: N/A

Hours: 1 (M-F {7:30-16}; Sat&Sun {CLOSED})

OVERALL: 2

By displaying the above, I think it’s pretty clear that advertising this cafe at all would be a supreme disservice.  So, I will refrain and keep it somewhere where it can be rightfully ignored.

*Basically, don’t make my mistakes.

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